Splean Ache

Fucking Godzilla, man. Will we ever catch him?

Wed, 04 Apr 2012 18:21:35 -0400

Fucking Godzilla, man. Will we ever catch him?

My dad suggested The Black Power Mixtapes. This would not come...

Sun, 25 Mar 2012 20:25:33 -0400

My dad suggested The Black Power Mixtapes. This would not come as a surprise if you knew him.

I think my mother suggested Louder Than A Bomb, but I don’t think she’s seen it. I think it just sounded like something she thought I’d like. I think.

Any suggestions?

Sun, 25 Mar 2012 20:07:00 -0400

Not sure what to watch next: ‘Louder than A Bomb’ or, ‘The Black Power Mixtapes’

My parents each suggested one of those to me. So another question I could ask is: Which parent do I love more?

(I’m kidding, that’s horrible)

My father wants me to be part of a revolution. Or “the...

Sun, 25 Mar 2012 19:33:11 -0400

My father wants me to be part of a revolution. Or “the revolution,” I’m not entirely sure which one he’s talking about.

I told him I’m a lover, not a fighter. He groaned and told me I’m becoming an American.

Ouch.

YAY JAMAICA. paulftompkins: So last weekend some friends and I...

Thu, 22 Mar 2012 02:48:01 -0400

YAY JAMAICA.

paulftompkins:

So last weekend some friends and I watched the movie Cocktail. As the “story” unfolded, I realized I’d really only ever seen the first twenty minutes of this awful thing. It’s an impossible movie that can’t really exist. Yet, I cannot deny the evidence of my senses.

Among the many absurd, poorly thought-out moments that accidentally got recorded on film forever, there is this moment where Tom Cruise dances enticingly at Bryan Brown whilst holding a poster of a lady’s torso in front of himself. We were aghast. My friend Sarah marveled that this was not already a meme that everyone knew and referenced all the time.

I tried a few times to post a GIF of this moment but could not make it work. The file was too big! In the end, I needed Jake Fogelnest to help me. Why did I ever think I could upload an 80s-themed GIF without going through him?

My point is, this is an insane thing that should have been a GIF for years now.

Sarah, your dream came true.

Good night, everyone.

12:56 am.

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 03:56:46 -0500

I just realized I’m pretty mysterious.

niasheemisdifferent: What? Someone help me with...

Thu, 12 Jan 2012 19:14:00 -0500

niasheemisdifferent:

What? Someone help me with this.

That’s just her name. I don’t understand the confusion.

Of Celtic origin, maybe?

I probably shouldn’t post this because it has his number...

Fri, 06 Jan 2012 18:10:00 -0500

I probably shouldn’t post this because it has his number in it. It’s just his work number, so maybe he won’t sue me.

But whatever. This message scared me because he sounds like he’s dying and also I don’t know who he’s trying to reach.

I think people should never leave voice mails. They are so awkward and/or creepy.

Black River. Biggest one we have and it is for real, guys. It...

Thu, 28 Jul 2011 02:34:13 -0400

Black River. Biggest one we have and it is for real, guys.

It has alligators. Me and another kid fell in there once during a school trip when I was like… 10, maybe? I don’t know. Years are all the same. The alligators just ignored us.

I think I told this here already, so I’ll just stop.

Occasionally I miss Jamaica. Or maybe I just miss not being in Los Angeles.

It was a classic case of a prey becoming a victim. Go Jamaican...

Tue, 07 Jun 2011 16:46:30 -0400

It was a classic case of a prey becoming a victim.

Go Jamaican news.

Lol, Clarendonians.

I think I might have lung cancer again.

Fri, 06 May 2011 05:45:19 -0400

Last time I cured it with milk, don’t know what will work this time.

thanktheacademy: i’m out.

Fri, 29 Apr 2011 04:33:34 -0400

thanktheacademy:

i’m out.

Holy Hell. There's a person with the name 'Dandy Dace'!

Wed, 27 Apr 2011 03:56:00 -0400

Like, that’s his real name!

‘sup bitches. I would also have accepted “pip pip,...

Wed, 27 Apr 2011 03:50:00 -0400

‘sup bitches.

I would also have accepted “pip pip, motherfuckers.”

I have never laughed so hard as when i rediscovered this. What...

Sat, 16 Apr 2011 01:10:00 -0400

I have never laughed so hard as when i rediscovered this. What an ending.

Chun Li has avenged her father. Now she can go back to slutting it up with the rest of her age group.

The Victor Hugo thing wouldn't work for me because the same device I need to do work is the device I use to procrastinate.

Thu, 14 Apr 2011 02:31:00 -0400

These are the comments I get in my inbox:

“Your blog is algebraic”

“talk about philosophy or something. I bet you can’t.”

“This was on radar (which is lame) but i thought it’d be a good answer to your procrastination.
http://superamit.tumblr.com/post/1517598674/victor-hugo-would-write-naked-and-tell-his-valet”

I wish you got a badge everytime you aced a social interaction because I would have earned like 4 badges today.

Mon, 11 Apr 2011 18:00:49 -0400

I also wish I knew the proper context for the phrase ‘bling bling’. Is it an exclamation? I know it has something to do with shininess. I know it’s a thing. I know I’m not making it up. Do you say it everytime you see something shiny? Or do you say it when someone rudely shines a laser-pointer in your eye?

I guess I missed the boat on that one anyway, since I think no one uses it anymore. But I still want to know. Or… missed the train? Dammit. I don’t know anything about how people say things.

I also wish shininess was spelt ‘shinyness’ because that looks less weird to me. But I know it can never be. I’m going to check the dictionary after I post this in the vain hope that it is some obscure/alternate spelling, but I’m pretty sure it won’t be. How depressing.

Still not so sure about this Willie Nelson guy.

Sat, 05 Mar 2011 18:33:13 -0500

Neko Case & Her Boyfriends - Set Out Running. It’s the...

Wed, 23 Feb 2011 21:56:00 -0500

Neko Case & Her Boyfriends - Set Out Running.

It’s the 10th (or 9th or 11th) year anniversary (to the day) of the first time I ever heard Neko Case. This is the first song on the first album that I ever managed to come across accidentally in some guy’s basement.

Also the first day I heard Cursive and Pavement. The songs were The Game of Who Needs Who the Worst and (can’t remember), respectively.

I forget the other bands I heard but there were a bunch of them. Like, a whole bunch. My first time listening to American music at all, I think.

I remember because it was my aunt’s birthday and I had actually remembered for once (today makes twice!).

Of course BB King has diabetes.

Sat, 19 Feb 2011 22:11:09 -0500

All black people get diabetes on the day they turn age 50. Little known fact.

I don’t know what age white people get it at.